Screw the PPD Label!... It's Called "First Time Mom"
Well here's my first post that is loooong overdue people... BUT (*drum roll)... I'm so exciteeeeeeeed!
Ok so let's get right to it. This PP label I'm referring to is that good old favorite term that moms love (no i'm kidding)... Postpartum Depression, which I will refer to it as PPD from here on out. It's one of the biggest fears moms have besides having complications during delivery. I hate the term, personally, for many reasons that I will get into shortly. For those of you who don't know what PPD is, it is a slew of things that occur a few days after giving birth ranging from extreme sadness, emptiness, or hopelessness to being uninterested in your baby, or unable to care for your baby. The sad list goes on and on. Unfortunately, a great number of women deal with this condition. Some struggle with this because there is believed to be a hormonal imbalance that occurs after childbirth on the more extreme side which causes one to be prescribed antidepressants. Some people have it a few weeks and some a year. A lot of it is psychological so guard your thoughts and what you say before and during your pregnancy.
For starters, I'm a negative label hater. If it's a label that has a negative meaning and causes more harm than good then I am typically against it. The reason being, labels create an idea or image in the mind that can make a temporary or permanent resident in your thinking for most people. The average person takes what others say pretty personal and roll it around in their minds over and over again until it becomes a friend of the mind. How many of us were told something either as a child or adult, and it still sticks with us till this day? We have enough issues when we get older to deal with, so why can't people not say anything to add to it and make it one more thing we have to toil with so that we can be "perfect Patty" which is pretty impossible. I'm not totally oblivious to the reality of life and that labels are a tool of understanding and a great tool of communication, but when we throw labels like that around, it starts to breed a fear that some of us never had or thought of before now. The mind is so powerful and can create things into a reality that should never be. You ever heard the phrase, "people have died for less"? This is an infamous quote that I like to say often and it applies to this nonetheless. There have been people that said they have cancer so much that they eventually did; or "My memory is so bad"; or other statements that eventually come true at some point or another. With all that being said, can we please take labels a little more serious and not use them so loosely on ourselves and especially our children because our words are powerful and create a reality we don't always want.
Just 15 minutes after giving birth
So I said all of that to say that though many women struggle with PPD for reasons inside and outside of their control, can I just make it less painful and tell you something so deep and profound, yet practical and relatable?... YOU'RE JUST A FIRST TIME MOM! ... I remember after I had my child, I dealt with a lot of those emotions that are listed for PPD and because the title was never in my vocabulary, I took what I dealt with each day as temporary and that it "had" and "would" get better. I mean from the struggles of breastfeeding every 90 minutes throughout the night (that's a later post) to being so not in love at all. I was in survival mode! After I had gone through every negative emotion possible, I was praying one day because I was so exhausted and thought to myself, "I'm not having the experience at all that I thought I would have, nor am I enjoying these first weeks like they say or show on television." I felt a revelation come up in me and the thought was so profound and gave me a relief that I'd never felt thus far in those 6 weeks. When it dropped down in me, that "you're just a first time mom," I had so much peace and relief because it all made sense. I didn't know him (my baby) and he didn't know me all the way just yet and that we were growing to know each other more and more each day. I had to change my whole mindset about motherhood and realize that my experience was my experience and not like my girlfriend's or my sisters experience as a first time mom. Getting this revelation for myself was a breath of fresh air because before that, I was trying to "act" like I was so enjoying motherhood...put on my fresh face each day, lip gloss, smile and say how in love I was when probed, you name it. It was all a lie. I was miserable, exhausted, with the jelly belly (will discuss in a later post for those who don't know what that is). Meanwhile, my husband was in total bliss each day he got home from work to see us. Yes, I put on that face for him too even though I was drowning. I didn't want him to know how I really felt because I really did not think he would understand. Besides that, it was really embarrassing to say it out loud with him being so happy that he finally had a baby and was so proud of me for safely pushing out his sumo size baby with not 1 drug in my body and that came 15 days early! Yes I said sumo because had he stayed in me till his due date, he would have weighed almost 10lbs!...
1 week old and I'm so exhausted
Moms if you are going through this with your first or you're pregnant with your first, do not beat yourself up. But most of all, DO NOT embrace or label yourself as having PPD or anything else for that matter. You're just a "first time mom." You don't know what you are doing. You had this fantasy of what it would be like and it has been shot down. You're not perfect. Perfectionism is the devil! You will make some mistakes. It's a part of the process just like anything else. Don't say anything negative about yourself because that will only make it worse. Take all the help you can get from your family if you can. Try not to think about the dishes in the sink or the laundry that's piled up to the rooftops (for the first couple months). If you can, clean house thoroughly, organize as much as possible, and do ALL laundry before baby arrives so that you can go longer before having to again after baby arrives. They say to sleep when the baby sleeps, but I know firsthand how hard that is so I won't be a hypocrite and say it. I'm lying. I am. Sleep when the baby sleeps. Don't try to workout on day 4 because you can't. I know some who have tried and it killed their self esteem even more than the jelly belly did because the body is not all the way back to optimal functioning. It's still healing. Know that you are a GREAT mom and you are doing EVERYTHING you can each day. It's good enough trust me. I'm telling you it is. I remember being so afraid to leave the hospital because I had the best nurses ever in life and I wanted to take them home with me. They helped me urinate; they changed my bed pads whenever I went to the bathroom; they grabbed my boob to help breastfeed unapologetically. Yes all shame was out the door before I left that hospital. But the one piece of advice that managed to soak through to my brain through the sleep deprivation, bombarding of information and non stop interruptions I got was this, "As long as that baby is alive at the end of the day, you've done good momma." Crazy to some of you that I would find solace in that but believe me it was the one thing on my mind every day. I was so happy at the end of the day when he was alive, in his crib, asleep and well because you secretly think you're going to hurt the child with simple tasks such as changing a onesie. I've heard the second baby is so much better because you have a clue unlike the first go round if that helps anyone.
Hope this helps you moms out their even if your child is pass the 6 week mark. It's tough and you're the best person for your child believe it or not. You have everything that child needs inside of you so don't doubt yourself. You're absolutely amazing!
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