First Trimester Blues With Gratitude
Never did I ever think I would have such an experience of misery regarding my health. Never did I ever think that it would come by way of new life which is almost an oxymoron in a way. I've heard some stories from other women that could stifle a women's desire and be the birth control needed for life! But never did I ever think that I would be one of them. I don't know. You be the judge. I still didn't go through what a small percentage of women experience in which they endure misery their entire pregnancy! So I must say I'm grateful! (*hands raised to the heavens*)
New Perspective
I must say that although this surprise of a mystery human being growing inside me, that has not even gone through the stages of temper tantrums nor puberty yet, has definitely tried me (and my entire life) already as we've yet to officially meet. The way I see it at this point is that my first born could get away with murder before this new kid on the block could ever even sigh too hard in the form of disrespect towards me. I mean, after becoming prego the first time, being fed lies and deceit during my last ultrasound at 36 weeks that showed my baby being average size, him doubling in weight and coming hours before being 38 weeks, going through 21 hours of labor, 4 hours of pushing with no help from my body... Oh and did I forget to mention, unmedicated, how could anyone let their child yell at them, hit them, scream "I hate you" from the top of their lungs, roll their eyes or E, all of the above??? For the life of me I don't know how. My doc told me that this second delivery will be 10 times better because it's easier each pregnancy. That's worth me throwing a party the day before delivery. I'm just saying.
The 1st Trimester Struggles
I've NEVER had regular periods in my life so I will never know I am prego until I am anywhere between 6 and 8 weeks. They just don't come every 4 weeks so it's a toss up. I've lived life on the edge without my permission people! I felt strongly that I needed to start writing my periods down after my sons first birthday in August. Took me a couple months to start but I did. Thank God I did because I was 7 weeks prego in January when I "officially" knew. Mid December, I started having really bad constipation and attributed it to bad holiday eating, etc. I tried detox teas, castor oil, you name it. It only made my intestines wake up for a second to give me a hint of relief and then they were back to hibernation. I mean, after 4 weeks of this, I was thinking I had an obstruction or something worse going on. My stomach was
getting firm because of it and was feeling tight and miserable. Week 6 comes and it darns on me that I haven't had my period yet, but in my mind, it was supposed to come that week but not knowing yet, my last menstrual date in my mind was wrong. (See! That's why the Lord had me write it down!) Then it darns on me that the only time in life I've ever been like this was during my first pregnancy even though it started later on and not so soon... A few days before, we were watching TV and I thought I smelled homemade fried chicken. *blank stare* I haven't had that in YEARS! I didn't think anything of it but I did think I was crazy... So the weekend left and Monday came along with some super light nausea on and off that day. Well it got worse and worse each day and by Friday, I lost the fight and was bound to all things cushion over the next several days like I've NEVER been in my life! Hubbie looked at me that night and said, "You look like Death." As if death had a name and a figure to compare me to. I mean I was a shade lighter and you could see me in the dark (LOL!). I could only conjure enough strength to barely walk or crawl to the restroom to use it for all purposes that you utilize it for. By now, I'm thinking the only thing in the world this correlates to is, "I have to be pregnant"... Well a few weeks later, I didn't make it in time and I projectile vomited over my good carpet, my favorite paint color, my babies toys and made a nice trail to the bathroom as my 1 yr old cried because it scared him and he rarely cries ever. My SuperMan pulled up to the house just in time to console him while I finished what looked like an exorcism in my kid's bathroom. Yes I scrubbed and cloroxed everything myself because I would not want anyone else to. Thank God I only had an apple for lunch and 1 for dinner! Well to make a long story short, my doc gave me some samples of meds for nausea, CLEARLY, and when those ran out, she told me of a safe over-the-counter concoction ($30-$40) to use that I still take daily. It was cheaper than the prescription drug by about $150 (with insurance). Researched it of course and it was indeed safe. I survived the first week off 3 or 4 crackers with water every 2-3 hrs and a piece of fruit here and there. After that, veggies and fruits with no meat because it made me sick. Even if the fruit was too sweet it wouldn't sit well on my stomach. I hated to eat because it was like torture and I had no desire to chew whatsoever even if I was hungry a lot of days. I never smiled and My face had the same expression all day everyday. I felt like my personality was stripped away from me and like I didn't know this person. I thought I was having an out of body experience and I would sit and wonder when I would ever meet her again and if she would be the same person as I remember when and if she ever returned. When 12 weeks hit, I still didn't feel like myself but after having my amazing doc give me some tips and tricks at my 12 week appointment, I started to come around. I'll share about it in my next post and some other good stuff to help my fellow lady warriors have a better experience than me if those hormones are not so bossy as mine were in their takeover of my life! ...
Grateful
I'm much better now and I am so grateful. When people asked me how I was doing during that time, I "tried" to convince them by saying, "I'm doing ok" or "I'm doing better than I was" because I knew it could be sooooooo much worse. I was just always thinking about how there are so many women that would kill to be "my miserable" so they could conceive or just have a healthy baby period and I have no problem with either. I consider myself #BlessedBeyondMeasure. Yes I wanted to rip my stomach and intestines out because that would get rid of most of my troubles but I felt so honored to be able to have such a gift that some never experience or pay 10s of 1000s of dollars to have. So ladies don't take your gifts for granted. Someone would give everything they have and own, literally, just to have what you have. With that being said, have a great week and remember that you are already Absolutely AMAZING!!!
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